Fewf, what a holiday! Whether you are in a relationship or single, this one can be a stressor. So many people have such high expectations for what I see as an over-the-top holiday. People often complain that V-day is way over commercialized, well I hate to break it to those people but Christmas is at least 10 times worse and you have to buy even more presents for even more people! Not that I'm complaining, I do love giving, but expectations are UNrealistically high.
Speaking from the point of view of someone in a relationship, I see Valentine's day as the opportunity to show the person you are with that you care about them. Caution, I did not say "show them just how MUCH you care about them", this is where people start to get a little carried away... The only thing I honestly want to do with my significant other on V-day is simple, spend time with him. We don't get a lot of time just the two of us without school or work interruptions so the idea of getting to spend a day, just the two of us, together; could not be more perfect. We're not even going out for dinner, we're making steak and lobster ourselves because cooking is something we love to do together. For those of you who do presents on V-day, hey that's great but don't put too much pressure on your partner, save themself and yourself some stress, put a price limit on it or have a rule that you must make it yourselves. And whatever you do, DON'T BREAK THE RULE! If you break it your partner will feel inadequate in their gift and will feel the need to go above and beyond in your next time of gift giving. This day does not need to clean out the bank and whatever you do, contrary to all the Spence Diamond (who I do truly love) radio commercials we've been hearing lately, Valentine's day is not the perfect day to propose, it's so not unique and so cliche. Please just don't do it, you are more creative than that!
If you are currently single (as I spent last V-day), Valentine's day is a great time to show your friends how important they are to you! Go out as a group of girls and remind them that they're amazing people. Don't be bummed that you don't have men in your lives, celebrate the fact that you have eachother instead! I would imagine that between you all amazing things could be accomplished. If like many people on Valentine's day, you feel the urge to call up an ex, I would suggest you hold that feeling until February 15th and see if it still exists. Typically the desire to call on an ex shows up in the moment and is quickly extinguished once the romantic day passes.
Men, a word of advice to you! Even if you have planned a very low key day with your woman, please keep in mind that this day is to celebrate your relationship with her and how happy you are to have her in your life. Tell her she's special, she's beautiful and you are lucky to have her. Even if you don't exchange any gifts, do something nice for her. Give her a back rub, make her breakfast, or go for a nice walk just the two of you. Make her feel important if nothing else.
Women, you don't get off without a word too. Please do not have these unrealistically high expectations for your man. If you know he's a student (as is mine) don't expect him to go all out and get you diamonds or roses. If you know he can't cook, do not expect a three course homemade meal for dinner. And please, whatever you do, don't compare. Men are naturally competitive and so if you tell him Julie's husband did this for her, he will feel the need to go above and beyond his means to keep with with him. Men show their affection in different ways so be receptive to him showing you in a way that you don't necessarily expect. Be thankful for the loving man you have in your life and all that he does for you.
Wherever you're at this Valentine's Day, be it with that someone special or your best group of friends, I wish you a day of relaxation and appreciation. Happy Valentine's Day!
Hugs from the city,
Sara
Friday, February 12, 2010
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Meeting someone amazing
Some people are good at being single, I'm not one of them. I'm independent without a doubt:I do my thing, I know what I want, and I don't rely on others for my happiness. But I've always thought that success can only mean so much if you're not sharing it with someone. I enjoy sharing my day, and having someone actually care about it. When I'm having a bad day or a really great one, I have someone to call up and tell it all to. A lot of people say that once you stop looking for someone, they will just show up. I'm not a true believer in this as I believe that if you want something you should visualize it and go after it.
Now in being that independent woman type who knows what she wants, I believe that anything worth having is worth working and waiting for. I have always been willing to wait for the perfect person to come into my life and have some pretty high standards! He has to be smart, funny and not too serious. He's got to be sexy, kind and easy going in social situations (there's nothing more annoying than having to babysit your date just because they don't know anyone, it's called making friends). I have a thing for dark hair, facial hair and strong shoulders so these are really great perks. He has to be on track and have goals, no easy riders or handouts from this lady. He should own a car, I'm not particular to what kind, so long as it doesn't have MacDonald's wrappers all over it and he can pick me up for a date. He has to be nice to waitresses (being one myself) and should love his mother, respect his father and get along with the majority of his siblings. He has to love pets, be relatively clean and organized, and be affectionate. He must also be honest and want a serious relationship, I'm past the stage in my life where I think flings are fun. Fewf, this is quite the list and don't I know it! But this is what I want and like I said, I don't make plan Bs, only As as I'm not willing to settle for anything less.
Well ladies and gentlemen, drum roll please, I've met someone who fits all my criteria! That's right, I've basically described him in a nutshell above. He also plays the drums like nothing I've ever seen or heard, thinks I'm beautiful and wants to spend time with me whenever possible. I've been single since December 2008 and let me tell you, he is well worth the wait. I love having someone in my life and so was constantly looking for someone, but was not willing to give up my list of requirements. Many people called me anal and too focused, but check it out, I got what I set out to get!
I have some experience in serious relationships so I realize what it takes to make something like this work out:
Work hard. Not even 50-50% effort, more like 100% and 100%. If you don't give this person your all, why are you in a relationship? And don't forget to clarify from the beginning what you are looking for, if he wants a fling and you want a boyfriend, things will not work out.
Don't be affraid to be honest. If he calls you sweetpea and you hate it, let him know before it drives you crazy. I call my significant other "babe" until we start to get settled, then it slowly progresses to "hun". I always double check that these terms of indearment do not bother him, if they do, it can be a bit of a thorn, trust me, I've made the mistake.
Act like you will always act. Don't be the silly blonde girl if you are actually really smart (please don't play this ever, it's so unattractive). If you act like it's funny when he leaves his socks on the floor, he will always leave his socks on the floor. If you are very organized and neat, don't act like a mess is acceptable in your home (actually getting them to help you clean up is a great way to instill this message and they will start to do it automatically).
Be willing to compromise. If you like to spend Saturday working and he likes to spend it sleeping, do trade offs or be flexible and rearrange things to do your own thing Saturdays. If you like to cook but he would rather eat out, go out once or twice a week and cook the rest. Or encourage him eat out on his own time.
Plan things together. One of my favorite things about being with someone is that you can plan things to do. Be it a wedding, a weekend away or a visit to the zoo. Do things, fun things, together. Go out from time to time, don't just stay at home in your sweats, get yourself dolled up and go out. Remember to try new things that each other likes.
Best of all, enjoy eachother's company. If you have chosen to accept someone into your life like I have, congratulations! Enjoy the ride you are on and best of luck :)
Hugs from the city,
Sara
Now in being that independent woman type who knows what she wants, I believe that anything worth having is worth working and waiting for. I have always been willing to wait for the perfect person to come into my life and have some pretty high standards! He has to be smart, funny and not too serious. He's got to be sexy, kind and easy going in social situations (there's nothing more annoying than having to babysit your date just because they don't know anyone, it's called making friends). I have a thing for dark hair, facial hair and strong shoulders so these are really great perks. He has to be on track and have goals, no easy riders or handouts from this lady. He should own a car, I'm not particular to what kind, so long as it doesn't have MacDonald's wrappers all over it and he can pick me up for a date. He has to be nice to waitresses (being one myself) and should love his mother, respect his father and get along with the majority of his siblings. He has to love pets, be relatively clean and organized, and be affectionate. He must also be honest and want a serious relationship, I'm past the stage in my life where I think flings are fun. Fewf, this is quite the list and don't I know it! But this is what I want and like I said, I don't make plan Bs, only As as I'm not willing to settle for anything less.
Well ladies and gentlemen, drum roll please, I've met someone who fits all my criteria! That's right, I've basically described him in a nutshell above. He also plays the drums like nothing I've ever seen or heard, thinks I'm beautiful and wants to spend time with me whenever possible. I've been single since December 2008 and let me tell you, he is well worth the wait. I love having someone in my life and so was constantly looking for someone, but was not willing to give up my list of requirements. Many people called me anal and too focused, but check it out, I got what I set out to get!
I have some experience in serious relationships so I realize what it takes to make something like this work out:
Work hard. Not even 50-50% effort, more like 100% and 100%. If you don't give this person your all, why are you in a relationship? And don't forget to clarify from the beginning what you are looking for, if he wants a fling and you want a boyfriend, things will not work out.
Don't be affraid to be honest. If he calls you sweetpea and you hate it, let him know before it drives you crazy. I call my significant other "babe" until we start to get settled, then it slowly progresses to "hun". I always double check that these terms of indearment do not bother him, if they do, it can be a bit of a thorn, trust me, I've made the mistake.
Act like you will always act. Don't be the silly blonde girl if you are actually really smart (please don't play this ever, it's so unattractive). If you act like it's funny when he leaves his socks on the floor, he will always leave his socks on the floor. If you are very organized and neat, don't act like a mess is acceptable in your home (actually getting them to help you clean up is a great way to instill this message and they will start to do it automatically).
Be willing to compromise. If you like to spend Saturday working and he likes to spend it sleeping, do trade offs or be flexible and rearrange things to do your own thing Saturdays. If you like to cook but he would rather eat out, go out once or twice a week and cook the rest. Or encourage him eat out on his own time.
Plan things together. One of my favorite things about being with someone is that you can plan things to do. Be it a wedding, a weekend away or a visit to the zoo. Do things, fun things, together. Go out from time to time, don't just stay at home in your sweats, get yourself dolled up and go out. Remember to try new things that each other likes.
Best of all, enjoy eachother's company. If you have chosen to accept someone into your life like I have, congratulations! Enjoy the ride you are on and best of luck :)
Hugs from the city,
Sara
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Getting what you want
I always find it funny when people are surprised that I get the things I want. Whether it's being accepted to the Board of Education I want to work for, getting my perfect apartment at the price I wanted, getting my job without even giving them a resume, or just getting delivery from a store that doesn't deliver; I get what I want. So many people ask me how I do it so I'm going to let you in on a little secret: I ASK for it.
So often people play this game of passive aggressive when they want something "Oh I want it but I'm not sure if I'll get it so I'll make plans for the alternative". The alternative is not typically what you want so why would you even put those thoughts out there that it may be acceptable? Rather than settling for something that is second best, make a Plan A and only a Plan A.
When I was looking at apartments in Calgary I knew exactly what I wanted and I made a list, then lI ooked for it. This was a bit of a hunting party if any of you happened to follow me on Facebook during those two days, but sure enough I found exactly what I was looking for and at the price I wanted. Now as this was at the top of my price range and I still had 1/2 the utilities on top of that. However, I was able to convince my landlord to let me use his wireless internet and the already installed cable, just by ASKING!
Before moving to the city I was able to line up a transfer from my restaurant in Lethbridge to the same one in Calgary. I did this by ASKING my General Manager to contact the GM here and from there I ASKED for an interview and was offered a job on the spot.
Just the other day I was at Walmart purchasing a futon for my guest room and the darn box would not fit in my car regardless of how hard the Manager pushed or twisted it. So what did I do?! I ASKED him if he would deliver it for me. Now most of us know that Walmart does not and has never done deliveries. But sure enough, he agreed no problem and the next day at 10:30am I had two very kind gentlemen deliver my futon with care and even put it directly in the spot I ASKED them to! Now I'm wondering if I should have asked them to assemble it too however.... hmm.
When I applied to the Calgary Board of Education I ASKED around, made a ton of phone calls to see exactly who I should make out my application package to. In my resume, and again in the interview, I ASKED for full time (1.0), French Immersion, K-3 in the South of Calgary. We'll see how this goes but hey, I got accepted to the Board yesterday! Yay, happy dance!
None of this was completed without a fair bit of work and organization on my part, but then again, if you want something bad enough to ASK for it, you're usually willing to work for it too. Also, never be rude about asking, if you want to get something, politeness is always key. People put their backs up when you get nasty. Keep in mind this person is doing you a favour.
My mother, a very wise woman, always told me "if you don't A-S-K, you'll never G-E-T". She is, as in most cases, very right. So next time you want something, think of only it and don't make a plan B because you know it's not what you want. Don't be affraid to ASK for something if you want it because more than likely you'll surprise yourself, and all your friends, by getting exactly what you wanted.
Hugs from the city,
Sara
So often people play this game of passive aggressive when they want something "Oh I want it but I'm not sure if I'll get it so I'll make plans for the alternative". The alternative is not typically what you want so why would you even put those thoughts out there that it may be acceptable? Rather than settling for something that is second best, make a Plan A and only a Plan A.
When I was looking at apartments in Calgary I knew exactly what I wanted and I made a list, then lI ooked for it. This was a bit of a hunting party if any of you happened to follow me on Facebook during those two days, but sure enough I found exactly what I was looking for and at the price I wanted. Now as this was at the top of my price range and I still had 1/2 the utilities on top of that. However, I was able to convince my landlord to let me use his wireless internet and the already installed cable, just by ASKING!
Before moving to the city I was able to line up a transfer from my restaurant in Lethbridge to the same one in Calgary. I did this by ASKING my General Manager to contact the GM here and from there I ASKED for an interview and was offered a job on the spot.
Just the other day I was at Walmart purchasing a futon for my guest room and the darn box would not fit in my car regardless of how hard the Manager pushed or twisted it. So what did I do?! I ASKED him if he would deliver it for me. Now most of us know that Walmart does not and has never done deliveries. But sure enough, he agreed no problem and the next day at 10:30am I had two very kind gentlemen deliver my futon with care and even put it directly in the spot I ASKED them to! Now I'm wondering if I should have asked them to assemble it too however.... hmm.
When I applied to the Calgary Board of Education I ASKED around, made a ton of phone calls to see exactly who I should make out my application package to. In my resume, and again in the interview, I ASKED for full time (1.0), French Immersion, K-3 in the South of Calgary. We'll see how this goes but hey, I got accepted to the Board yesterday! Yay, happy dance!
None of this was completed without a fair bit of work and organization on my part, but then again, if you want something bad enough to ASK for it, you're usually willing to work for it too. Also, never be rude about asking, if you want to get something, politeness is always key. People put their backs up when you get nasty. Keep in mind this person is doing you a favour.
My mother, a very wise woman, always told me "if you don't A-S-K, you'll never G-E-T". She is, as in most cases, very right. So next time you want something, think of only it and don't make a plan B because you know it's not what you want. Don't be affraid to ASK for something if you want it because more than likely you'll surprise yourself, and all your friends, by getting exactly what you wanted.
Hugs from the city,
Sara
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Criticism
So many of us are guilty of the act. I for one can say I've done it on more than one occasion and am not proud of it. We criticize, and not in a good way. Sometimes self-criticism can be healthy, it keeps you looking good, well educated and helps ensure your position as an accepted member of society. I want to discuss some criticism I've run into lately.
In a professional atmosphere (and I won't name which one for privacy reasons) we expect to find professionals. Not only are these people suppose to know their stuff, but they should conduct themselves in a professional manner. Being surrounded by adults in this such situation, I find it absolutely absurd that people are conducting themselves much like a bunch of bullying children. Whispering behind someone's back, making nasty comments, even going so far as to call them names and exclude them. It is very disconcerning to watch adults act this way and it is completely unacceptable in this situation or any other. I would like to speak up but do not want to put my job in jeopardy and so wish to do so only at the end of my term. If it becomes an issue however, I feel it is my duty, as a professional, to intervene.
I was put face to face with some criticism recently in my teaching, some constructive criticism. Even if we know this is a good form of criticism, hearing it is never easy. Tuesday afternoon my classroom was becoming chaotic and I was unable to regain control. This situation was made no better by the fact that I'd gotten 4 hours sleep the night before and had just finished giving the kids marshmallows with which they were to construct solid shapes and then they could eat. Silly teacher! So yes, got a few tips, of which at the time were a hit as I've never had an issue in this particular area of teaching, but which, when put to the test today, came in very useful. So thank you to my constructive criticizers! Still, a word of advice to anyone who wishes to give this form of criticism, please add at least 1, if not 2, positive elements to the conversation! For every negative there should be two positives, always keep this in mind. It saves people from feeling beaten down and it would have been nice to have heard that afternoon while I was feeling as squashed as the marshmallow I later found on the bottom of my shoe.
One kind of criticism I've been trying to combat lately is the kind that constantly goes on in my head. Not only am I extremely critical of myself, I can also get that way of other people. For example I am a big comparer, and this is particularly with other women, I like to size them up. Am I taller, prettier, have nicer hair, skin, am I slimmer, do I work out harder, am I better educated, am I classier, older, more experienced, smarter? ... the list goes on. Then there are the down right rude things that can pop into my head, "wow she's huge!", "oh my gosh she has the most annoying laugh", "I wish she would just shut up, she sounds like an idiot" and even "so glad I'm not her". I am challenging myself to focus on being less critical of others just this week, in an effort to turn my thoughts around and actually create a positive thought process that comes completely natural. So rather than thinking "wow she's huge" I will turn it into "wow she has amazing eyes" or if she does really have a annoying laugh, realize that she is likely happy and is very lucky to be so. In a big city where people come and go, be the one to smile and pass someone a compliment because they have an awesome hair style or wicked boots. Do something nice for someone just because, karma always comes back around, even when everyone else is too busy to watch!
I think if I can change my thinking pattern to be less critical and to be more accepting of others I will be an overall happier person. I challenge you to do the same, try it for a week and notice how much more content you feel at the end of the day. Does it make a difference?! Let me know and I'll keep you posted on my progress too!
Hugs from the city,
Sara
In a professional atmosphere (and I won't name which one for privacy reasons) we expect to find professionals. Not only are these people suppose to know their stuff, but they should conduct themselves in a professional manner. Being surrounded by adults in this such situation, I find it absolutely absurd that people are conducting themselves much like a bunch of bullying children. Whispering behind someone's back, making nasty comments, even going so far as to call them names and exclude them. It is very disconcerning to watch adults act this way and it is completely unacceptable in this situation or any other. I would like to speak up but do not want to put my job in jeopardy and so wish to do so only at the end of my term. If it becomes an issue however, I feel it is my duty, as a professional, to intervene.
I was put face to face with some criticism recently in my teaching, some constructive criticism. Even if we know this is a good form of criticism, hearing it is never easy. Tuesday afternoon my classroom was becoming chaotic and I was unable to regain control. This situation was made no better by the fact that I'd gotten 4 hours sleep the night before and had just finished giving the kids marshmallows with which they were to construct solid shapes and then they could eat. Silly teacher! So yes, got a few tips, of which at the time were a hit as I've never had an issue in this particular area of teaching, but which, when put to the test today, came in very useful. So thank you to my constructive criticizers! Still, a word of advice to anyone who wishes to give this form of criticism, please add at least 1, if not 2, positive elements to the conversation! For every negative there should be two positives, always keep this in mind. It saves people from feeling beaten down and it would have been nice to have heard that afternoon while I was feeling as squashed as the marshmallow I later found on the bottom of my shoe.
One kind of criticism I've been trying to combat lately is the kind that constantly goes on in my head. Not only am I extremely critical of myself, I can also get that way of other people. For example I am a big comparer, and this is particularly with other women, I like to size them up. Am I taller, prettier, have nicer hair, skin, am I slimmer, do I work out harder, am I better educated, am I classier, older, more experienced, smarter? ... the list goes on. Then there are the down right rude things that can pop into my head, "wow she's huge!", "oh my gosh she has the most annoying laugh", "I wish she would just shut up, she sounds like an idiot" and even "so glad I'm not her". I am challenging myself to focus on being less critical of others just this week, in an effort to turn my thoughts around and actually create a positive thought process that comes completely natural. So rather than thinking "wow she's huge" I will turn it into "wow she has amazing eyes" or if she does really have a annoying laugh, realize that she is likely happy and is very lucky to be so. In a big city where people come and go, be the one to smile and pass someone a compliment because they have an awesome hair style or wicked boots. Do something nice for someone just because, karma always comes back around, even when everyone else is too busy to watch!
I think if I can change my thinking pattern to be less critical and to be more accepting of others I will be an overall happier person. I challenge you to do the same, try it for a week and notice how much more content you feel at the end of the day. Does it make a difference?! Let me know and I'll keep you posted on my progress too!
Hugs from the city,
Sara
Sunday, January 17, 2010
New to the city
So being new to the 'big city' concept, I'm discovering just how much I love it! I knew I wasn't a small town girl and couldn't handle the whole knowing-everyone-everywhere-you-went idea so moving up to Calgary... absolutely perfect for me! The pace is fast, the people mean business, and if you don't know what you want you'd better get off the track so those who do can blow right by you. Calgary isn't a city for those who just want to pitter-patter around.
I've successfully managed to accomplish most of what I consider to be the "essential steps" to moving to a new place:
1. find a place to live that you love and that you can afford - check
2. find a job that fits your schedual and that you love - check
3. figure out where my 'important locations' are (ie: my work, the school I'm teaching at, the organic grocery store, the gym and the dog park) - check
4. Try something new - this one I'm still working on... I'd like to take ballet classes in September though and am thinking of going back onto eHarmony (with all the luck I've had lately, ha!) any suggestiongs?!
5. Don't stress too much - this one is harder for me to do, I have a heavy work load with two jobs, a place, pets and myself to take care of but I'm able to find time to work out and even traffic can be relaxing! You have no choice but to slow down then.
Next step is being accepted to the Education Board (cross your fingers, I had an interview on Thursday!) and purchasing a house before July 1st, so exciting! If you have any other tips for a successful life in the big city, let me know! I'll update you soon on my adventures.
Hugs from the city,
Sara
I've successfully managed to accomplish most of what I consider to be the "essential steps" to moving to a new place:
1. find a place to live that you love and that you can afford - check
2. find a job that fits your schedual and that you love - check
3. figure out where my 'important locations' are (ie: my work, the school I'm teaching at, the organic grocery store, the gym and the dog park) - check
4. Try something new - this one I'm still working on... I'd like to take ballet classes in September though and am thinking of going back onto eHarmony (with all the luck I've had lately, ha!) any suggestiongs?!
5. Don't stress too much - this one is harder for me to do, I have a heavy work load with two jobs, a place, pets and myself to take care of but I'm able to find time to work out and even traffic can be relaxing! You have no choice but to slow down then.
Next step is being accepted to the Education Board (cross your fingers, I had an interview on Thursday!) and purchasing a house before July 1st, so exciting! If you have any other tips for a successful life in the big city, let me know! I'll update you soon on my adventures.
Hugs from the city,
Sara
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